Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
