dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
