just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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