What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
