the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
