The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
