I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
