Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
