I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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