actually, I'm a sock model
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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