If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cannot find my penis.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
