then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize