this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize