I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
