Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
