And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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