I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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