Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Holy sore nipples Batman
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
