I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
