she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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