I accidentally burped into my bong.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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