Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
