Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
