but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
