Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
