You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
