The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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