You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
