toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
