I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
