I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
