sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
