Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize