so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
