i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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