Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
