then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
