Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
