You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
