Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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