so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
