omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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