I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We need to get me chipped asap
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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