Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
