At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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