hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
