I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
