You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize