She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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