I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
