Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
