The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
