I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
