i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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