I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
