Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
