i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
