a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
