you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
