Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
