I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
