Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
