I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
