I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
