Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
