Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize