I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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