it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize