My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
