Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
