did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
