She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
