i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
