I wanna passion pit in your ass
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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