It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
