girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
