and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think people are normalizing furries
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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