he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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