you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
