lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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