I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
