2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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