My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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