Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
