so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
