my mouth tastes like poor choices
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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