we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need to sanitize my soul.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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