I think my vagina is haunted
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
