I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
