Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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