If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
