he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
