i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
