good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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