So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
