I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
