i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All the doctor said was why
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
