I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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