I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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