i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
