More tranny stories later!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
